


Life in the city

by LizStories



Category: Stardew Valley
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-06-30 10:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizStories/pseuds/LizStories
Summary: Alright, this is my first work, I've rewrote the first chapter a hundred times. I also just don't feel like writing an actual summary. Uhhmm starts off with a young Sebastian, 16 years old, but it'll line up with the game's story. He moves in with his dad in the city for a few years. And I also don't feel like adding tags, because I don't really know what I'm planning on doing with this work, sometimes I just come up with new stuff. Hope you enjoy. (I will probably edit my chapters, could be grammar or just a scene I didn’t like)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will not be adding warnings before all of my chapters, the tags explain it. If you are sensitive to the topics mentioned, read at your own risk.
> 
> (Also a disclaimer, I have not personally experienced ALL of the things that I've written about in this work. Research only takes you so far, I apologise if some my writing is inaccurate, I'm trying my best.) 
> 
> I will also be adding chapter names to specific chapters... Maybe.

 

> Ch : 1

Sebastian carefully crept up the stairs, hoping his socks would muffled his steps. He slid inside bathroom, the door cracked. Glancing back at the door before he knelt down at the toilet. He sighed, brushing his hair away from his face. He gripped the sides of the porcelain bowl, he shivered at the chill against his arms.

The urge was too strong to resist, he reached his finger to the back of his throat, causing his stomach to lurch. He vomited into the toilet, it was mostly water.

“Sebastian?!” Robin's voice was frantic, he looked up at her. She stood at the door, her eyes tired, yet wide open, her light pink robe was slightly opened revealing her dark green pajama pants and white shirt.

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut, reaching out to flush the toilet. “What're you doing? Why would you–” Her voice was wavering, tears pricked her eyes.

“Leave me alone Mom.” Sebastian warned, his hands balling into fist. She rushed to his side, He propped his head up, his face in his hands, elbows resting on the seat of the toilet. Robin gasped, grabbing the arm closest to her. She was lost for words, staring at the fresh cuts across his wrist.

“Sebastian.” Her voice was sorrowful, Sebastian ripped his hand from her grip taking a deep breath. “Why?”

“I said, leave me alone!” His voice getting louder and rising in anger. His hair messy, sticking to his damp face. She got closer, attempting to hug him, Sebastian shoved her off, “No! stop!” He yelled standing up, his hands clasped onto his arms, trying to stop himself from shaking.

“Seb please.” She begged, tears streaming down her face. He ran his hand through his hair, pulling at it, then walking out of the room. Robin stood up, walking out of the bathroom. She watched as his dark hair disappeared down the staircase. Covering her mouth with her hand, she sank to the ground, sobbing. There was a sock click, the locking of Sebastian's door. Demetrius emerged from there room, stretching his arms over his head.

“Robin, what's wrong?” He dropped to her side. She fell into his chest, pulling at his shirt.

 

Sebastian locked the door, pressing his back to it, his lip quivering. “Fuck!” He yelled, slamming his clenched fist against the door, moving away. He began pacing around the room, his breathing got heavier, and slowly began quickening. He found his hands in his hair again, his grasp so strong, scalp tingling with pain.

He picked up his blue vase, staring at transparent glass. _Please Sebby, it'll brighten up your room!_ His mother's voice echoed in his mind, his face twitched. He threw the vase across the room, an aggravated scream escaping his lips. It shattered, making contact with the wall, the blue glass cascading over his pile of laundry. His hands landing on his face, crying. He coughed, landing face down onto his bed, sharply inhaling randomly between sobs.

He screamed into his mattress. His breathing slowed and eventually he drifted off to sleep, snoring quietly.

 

Robin sat on the edge of the bed, her body felt ice cold, Demetrius’ arm was rested on her shoulder. “Why would he do that?” Robin felt an anger rising within her.

“How the hell am I supposed to know!” She lashed out, her eyes furious. Her expression softened, then her face fell into her hands, crying again. “I'm sorry.” She apologized, he pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“It's okay,” he soothed, stroking the back of her head, “We need to get him help though hun.” She nodded, sniffling, then wiping her nose.

“I know, you're right but, I don't know what to do.” She admitted, burying her face into Demetrius’ shoulder.

“Call Harvey.” He suggested, “Or go talk to him? I dunno, but we have to do something.” She nodded moving away from him. There was a heaviness in her heart, there was a light knock at the door. The door creaked open slowly, Maru appeared, one hand pressed against it.

“Are we eating breakfast?” She asked, her expression changed as she looked at Robin's splotchy face. “Mom? What's wrong.” Robin swallowed hard, unable to make eye contact with her. She shook her head, Demetrius rubbing her arm.

“I'll get started on breakfast.” She stood up, walking past Maru.

“Dad, what's wrong?” He got off the bed walking over to her, patting her on the shoulder. "Dad?" Her voice began to waver, anxious.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a century since I posted the first chapter. School started up recently and I haven't had the motivation to write. I also accidently forget to to save this chapter so many times and I was infuriated, and took a step away for awhile. I promise I'm working on chapters when I can, it just takes motivation that I lack especially during the weekdays. I also apologize, I am not the best writer, though I really like to, I don't have the what ability to write well. I'll keep trying, but I tend to be repetitive. I'm rambling, here's chapter two.

Ch : 2

Robin knocked on Sebastian's door, positive that it was locked. "It's open." She flinched at Sebastian's voice, though it was almost inaudible. She slowly opened the door, flipping on his light. He winced, covering his face with his hands. Robin walked towards his bed, He was laying down, facing the wall, his comfortor scrunched at the foot of his bed. She pulled a stool from his table up to his bed.

"Hey." She whispered, smiling, he took a deep breath, slowly removing his hands from his face. She swallowed hard as he clamped his hands onto his arms, hugging himself. "Okay," she breathed, "I don't know what's wrong." She admitted, "And you don't need to tell me why, but," he closed his eyes, Robin pressed her lips together. "I called Harvey, there's a doctor in the city."

Sebastian's face twitched, tears filling his eyes. "Your Dad has an extra room in his apartment, and he lives close to the local school."

"Dad?" He asked in awe, still not able to face her.

"Yeah, you'll be heading down there on Wednesday, your first appointment with the psychiatrist is on Thursday." He looked pained again, his nails digging into his own arms.

"I'm sorry." He choked on his words, "I'm so sorry." He coughed, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Seb? What're you apologizing for?" Robin tried her best to stay composed.

“B–Because I'm s–such a shitty person." His words interrupted by his sobs. "And I'm such a shitty son, and I don't deserve you." He ran his hands to his hair, pulling at it.

"Honey, don't say that." Robin's voice cracked, he coughed, his grasp on his hair strengthening.

“It’s true Mom, I don’t deserve anything. I’m such a fucking mess.” Robin squeaked, biting her bottom lip. “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore.” Robin stood up, sitting down on his bed. He was shaking like a leaf, Robin placed a hand on his shoulder. “Mom,” he started, “I’m sorry.” He repeated, scrubbing his face as he cried.

“Stop apologizing Sebby, it’s not your fault,” he shook his head.

“I thought it was under control, I swear," his face began to twitch again, "And now I lost it, and I don't know how to get it back." Robin ran her thumb along his shoulder, she noticed how thin he'd gotten.

"It's going to be okay," she assured, he didn't respond, laying almost motionless. "Seb, look at me."

"I can't," he let out a staggered breath, "I just can't." He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face into his knee, crying into his sweatpants.

"Why," Her voice cracked, almost breaking at the sight of him.

"I'm a disappointment," Robin shook her head, "I'm such a fucking idiot and I disappoint everyone."

"No, stop." His face morphed to anger, "You're not disappointing anyone." She tried to assure.

"Bullshit!" He yelled, moving his knees away from his chest, "You, Demetrius, that shitty school." He flipped over, laying face down onto the bed, his dark mangled hair spilling over his pillow. He had calmed down slightly, breathing slowly. Robin rubbed his back as he breathed deeply

"I have to go get dinner ready." She spoke gently, careful not to upset.

"Mom." The irritation in his tone obvious, "I. Can't." The words were fierce

He nodded, the cloth hissing as his face brushed against it. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too Mom." He said quietly, muffled by the pillow. The bed creaked as she lifted herself off of it, then walk out of her room, shutting the door softly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, didn't think I could write this much, and it be half decent hahahaha. (Please either notify or ignore spelling errors, I didn't feel like rereading and revising AGAIN, I always tend to miss something. Is rather get started on the next chapter.)

The repetitive pulsing siren blared, sending shooting pains through Sebastian's temples. He winced, reaching for his phone, silencing the alarm. He heaved a long, annoyed sigh, standing up. Dragging his feet as he walked to his dresser, pulling out his clothes and changing. He threw his other clothes into the pile of stuff to pack. Next to it the pile of dirty clothes, Robin had cleaned up the shattered glass the night before.

Stepping into the bathroom, he closed the door lightly, locking it, trying to avoid anyone seeing or hearing him. Brushing his teeth, he ran his hand through his hair, trying to flatten out the curls. There was a jiggle of the handle, “Be out in a second Maru.” He mumbled, lifting his chin to prevent the toothpaste from dripping onto his shirt. He watched himself in the mirror, his light grey shirt was wrinkled, black jeans loose around his waist. There were dark circles under his dull violet eyes, his pale lips cracked.

He leaned over, spitting into the sink, rinsing out his mouth.”Seb, I'm gonna be late, hurry!” Maru yelled, banging on the door.

“You're fine,” he scoffed, opening the door. Maru stood, her hands clasped onto her arms, waiting. Sebastian walked out, then quickly going downstairs, returning with his jacket and phone. He rubbed his palms into his eyes, “Mom!” He yelled out.

“Yes honey?” she peaked out from her bedroom door.

“Have you seen my backpack?” she nodded, stepping into the hallway and walking through to the living room, returning with the dark blue and black backpack. “Thank you.” He said, walking over to her grabbing the back and slinging it over his shoulder.

“Any time, don't forget to pack when you get home.” He waved her away dismissively, turning around.

“What you packing for?” Maru asked, whipping her hair to the side as she stepped outside the bathroom. He shot Robin a glare, heat rising in his face.

“Do you tell her anything?!” Sebastian almost yelled, letting out an aggravated sigh.

“I didn't know if you'd want her to know.” Robin admitted, her voice quiet.

“I don't care, she'd find out eventually. I'm gonna be gone for at least a year, were you just going going lie to her?” Robin bit her lip, then went to speak.

“Where are you going?” Maru’s tone morphed to concern, he shook his head, walking to the door and leaving. The cold wind slapping in the face, he closed his eyes, a gust of wind blowing the snow around. He speed walked away from the house, pulling his hood over his face and shoving his hands into his pockets. Walking through the town, colorful lights hanging from the street lamps, the pine trees decorated with colorful ornaments, the sunlight glinting off the reflective surface.

Sebastian closed his eyes again, walking towards the bus stop. “Seb!” Sam ran up behind him, jumping onto his shoulders.

“Fuck! Sam!” He winced, pushing him off, Sam hopped to his side, slapping his on his back.

“Hey dude.” Sebastian shook his head, sighing. Sam laughed, his puffy maroon coat brushing against his shoulder. “How was this weekend? You never came over.” Sebastian swallowed hard, unable to make eye contact.

“Bad.” His voice wavered, his heart racing. There was a sound of snow crunching behind them.

“Hey guys!” Abigail called , slowing as she made it to Sebastian's side. He stayed quiet.

“Hi, we were talking about this weekend.” Sam started, Abigail clapped excitedly.

“I had a great weekend, we went into the city to go shopping.” Sebastian sucked in a breath, the cold air filling his lungs. They reached the bus stop, stopping at the bench.

“Actually Sebastian was telling me about his weekend.” Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut, regretting even talking. “Why was it bad?”

“I– I don't want to talk about it.” He tried to avoid talking about it. “How was the city?”

“Seb,” Sam rested his arm on Sebastian’s shoulder, “What happened?” Abigail had fallen silent, trying not to interrupt.

Sebastian Looked away from the two of them, “I'm moving,” he held the air in his lungs until his chest began to ache, bracing for their response.

“What?” Abigail asked breathlessly, he forced himself to look at them. Sam looked at him wide-eyed.

“No you're not, no you're not.” He repeated himself, denying it.

“I'll be back, but… I'm moving to the city for maybe a year?” Sam shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

“When do you leave?” Abigail asked, her fist clenched, staring off into the distance.

“Wednesday.” He whispered, Sam turned around, walking to the tree nearby and walking back.

“Why are you leaving? Do you wanna leave here that bad?”

“No Sam, no, I don't want to go.” He admitted, “I have to go.” Sam face scrunched, his brow furrowing.

“What the hell?” He shook his head, “Then why.” Sebastian buried his face his hands, “Why?” He asked again, his voice quiet.

“I need help.” He said, almost desperately, muffled by his hands. “I'm sorry.” There was a loud hiss, the yellow school bus stopping at the street. Sebastian revealed his face, getting on the bus and walking all the way to the back, the entire bus was empty except the driver. Sebastian sat at the back seat, Sam next to him, and Abigail in the singular seat across from them.

“Help with what? Do you expect me to know what you're talking about?” Sebastian chewed on his cheek, resting his forehead against the seat in front of them. The bus jumped, beginning to move.

“You can tell us Sebastian.” Abigail encouraged, sitting on the edge of the seat.

“I. Don't. Want. You. To. Know.” He said, his voice fierce, emphasizing each word. His nails made small crescent moons with his nails on his knees.

“Why?” Sam was angry, a pain radiating from his chest.

“Because I'm a fucking mess Sam!” He jerked up, his hair messy, draping over his face. Sam fell silent, Abigail was looking at her feet.

“But how.” Abigail spoke up, Sebastian's face twitched, his chest felt heavy. “You can't just disappear on Wednesday and not tell us anything.”

“I'm going to a psychiatrist in Zuzu city. Because,” he took a deep breath, looking down at his hands, fidgeting, “I have an eating disorder,” Everything was quiet, the only sound that remained was the wind whistling past the bus. 

“What?” Abigail approached, her voice gentle.

“I'm sorry dude.” Sam apologize, going to hug him.

“No don't,” he started, pushing Sam's arms away, “don't pity me.” Sebastian sat back into the seat.

“I'm not pitying you Sebastian,” Sam was angered by his reaction.

“I don't want to be treated differently, just don't, please.” He looked out the window, rubbing his arms with his hands. The rest of the ride was quiet until they reached the next town. Many noisy students files onto the bus.

“Heya Sam!” A tall boy called. He had dark brown curly hair, he wore a dark blue jersey with gold trim, blue jeans, and bright red and black shoes. He sat diagonally from their seat, “How you guys doing.”

“Hey Jack.” Abigail said playfully, leaning around the seat, there was an almost unnoticeable blush on her face. Sebastian didn't look away from the window, he only shrugged. Sam leaned over to him, whispering to jack. Sebastian elbowed him in the side.

“Don't tell people.” He hissed through clenched teeth.

“I didn't, chill.” He whispered back, Sebastian scoffed returning his gaze to the window.

“So, you guys coming to the winter formal on Friday?” Jack asked, his arm resting against the seat in from of Sam and Sebastian.

“I am.” Abigail swung her feet, tapping her feet against the metal legs on the seat in front of her. “Just got my dress this weekend.”

“Yeah?” He asked, “You going with someone?” She shrugged.

“Not really, but Sam was gonna use his mom's car to drive us there.” Jack nodded, looking away, then returning his gaze.

“Wanna go with me?” Sebastian scoffed to himself, too quiet for either of them to hear. Sam's jaw had clenched, she tried to look calm.

“As a date?” She asked, clenching one of her hands, her heart rate speeding up.

“Yeah.” He smiled, she returned his smile.

“Sure.”

“Cool, I'll pick you up seven.” He heard his name called from the front of the bus, someone waving him down. He excused himself, moving seats.

Abigail made a face at Sam and Sebastian, fanning herself with her hand, mouthing, "Oh my God."

Sam laughed, giving her a high five, then sitting back into his chair. Once she looked away, Sebastian caught a glance of Sam rolling his eyes.

The bus slowed to a stop.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter could've gone better... But hey, I tried... Yeah that's it

Sebastian walked off the bus, Sam and Abigail walking ahead, then separting , going into the school. Sebastian took a deep breath, closing his eyes, then taking a step before being tackled. He almost yelled as Maru wrapped her arms around him. He spotted her car parked in the distant. He hugged her back, “I’m sorry.” He apologized, closing his eyes.

“Don't start with that shit.” She scolded, her tone harsh. “ _I'm_ sorry.” He shook his head.

“Don't.” He warned, she held onto him tighter.

“You know you can talk to me about anything.” he buried his face into her shoulder, the wind blowing his jacket, the chill of the air engulfing him. “ _Anything_.” She repeated.

“Maru…” He trailed off, his socks dampening due to the snow.

“I'm gonna miss you so much.” She whispered, “I know we don't always get along.” His eyes began to water, “But I love you.” There was a pit in his stomach, _I'm hurting everyone around me_ , his grasp strengthened on her coat, hands shaking.

“I love you too.” He whispered, sniffling. She drew back, Sebastian wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“Would you let me drive you?” He smiled, then it faded in realization.

“I have to leave on Wednesday, you can't miss school to drive me to the city.” He reasoned, they began to walk into the school.

“Bullshit, I can miss one day.” She laughed, he shrugged, pulling at his backpack straps.

“Your tech classes, your honor classes, you can't.” They made it to Sebastian's locker, he threw everything into the bottom, retrieving his math book and a pencil.

“Not your class to worry about. Do you want me to drive you or not?”

“I want you to, whether that's realistic is debatable, you'd need to bring my motorcycle, all my stuff, my computer, and–”

“I don't care Seb,” he slammed his locker shut, and they proceeded walking through the sea of people. “It'll be fun, mom's got work, dad's got work, I can get my work for the next two days, I'll drive down on Wednesday, back on Thursday.” They both instinctively stopped at Maru's locker and she quickly twisted the lock.

“You'll miss two days? No, I can't let you do that.” He was looking away from her, leaned against the adjacent locker, looking at the people.

“Hey Seb!” A blonde girl called walking towards Geometry, he gave a light nod in her direction.

“Stop worrying about others, God, just focus on yourself for once in your life.” Sebastian sighed, pulling his book up, holding it with both his arms. “Now more than ever you need to focus on you.”

She gently closed the locker, pressing her body into it until there was a soft click. “I know, you're right. You're always right.” He admitted, biting on the inside of his cheek. Maru laughed, shaking her head, stepping out inside the crowd. Sebastian pushed himself off of the locker, walking with her.

“Promise me you'll call me in the city, anytime to talk. Please, if you think of doing anything, call me.” Sebastian's heart stopped at the thought, imagining the phone call. “Seb.”

“Okay, okay, I'll try.” Maru sighed, wrapping her hand around her neck, the urge to argue lingered.

“I’ll take it.” She said, defeated, stopping at a classroom. Sebastian nodded, stepping past her and walking into the room. The room was freezing, almost everyone had a seat. He scanned the room, walking up to Jack.

“Hey.” He breathed, sliding into the seat next to him, throwing his stuff onto the desk.

“Hey Seb.” Sebastian opened the book, flipping to the last page they were on. “Umm, are you okay with me and Abby going to the formal.” Sebastian almost snorted.

“Yeah, what're you talking about?” Jack furrowed his brow, then smiled.

“I thought you liked her or something, you seemed annoyed this morning.” Sebastian laughed, shaking his head.

“No, you two have fun. Do you like her?” Jack shrugged, folding his hands together.

“She's really really pretty, I just haven't gotten to know her too well.”

“She's great, really nice, adventurous.” Jack nodded, grabbing his pen and twisting it in his hand, “What’d Sam tell you on the bus?” He looked away for a second, thinking.

“Oh, when I sat down by you guys?” Sebastian nodded, “Said you were just in a bad mood.” He smiled, turning to look at the door. “What was wrong, I mean– you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

“Had a bad weekend, and… I'm moving this Wednesday.” Jack was hit with surprised, making weird, confused facial expressions.

“Umm, what?” Sebastian pressed his lips together.

“Yeah.”

“You and Maru, like your whole family?” Sebastian shook his head, bringing the pencil’s eraser to his mouth, biting it.

“No, just me, I'll be back though. I'll be gone maybe a one or two years. But,” he laughed, “By then I'll graduate… Hopefully.” He joked, Jack chuckled uneasily.

“Well, we'll miss you here, you know.” Sebastian nodded, “You going to college?” He shrugged.

“I don't know, I was–” he was cut off by the school bell ringing, the teacher walking in. It was an old man, his hair, white, balding with a scruffy beard. He wore slacks and a wrinkly white shirt. Sebastian sighed laying his head onto the desk. He passed out the test from the week before.

“What’d you get?” Jack whispered to Sebastian, he could see the red C- drawn on Jack's paper.

“Hundred percent.” He whispered back, Jack scoffed.

“How the hell do you get such good grades? You're a year behind us too.” Sebastian shook his head, crumpling the paper into a ball.

“Only in math.” Jack still looked annoyed, folding the paper and laying it in his book. The class proceeded, the teacher speaking in the same monotonous tone, Sebastian, tapped his pencil on his desk.

The bell rang out again, and Sebastian quickly left continuing on with his day. His mind went into autopilot, all his actions were robotic, not much thought was put into anything he did.

The rest of the day was more of the same. Bell, switch class, work, repeat. He dragged his feet from class to class until lunch arrived. He sat down at the table, Sam, Abigail, Jack, and a third person, a new girl, freshman. She had dark dark brown hair, braided to the side and draped over her shoulder. She wore a dark blue dress with light pink flowers. That was Julie, she had only recently “joined” their friend group.

“Hey J,” Sebastian said, sitting down at the table, “Sam, Abby, Jack.” He nodded at each of them before getting out his phone. Maru then ran up from behind him excitedly.

“Mom said yes!” She enthused, grabbing onto his shoulder.

“About?” Sebastian drug out the word, turning off his phone and turning around.

“Don't be stupid, me driving you.” She joked, patting him on the arm.

“Oh, really?” He gave a small smile.

“Yeah!” She clapped her hands together, “She said we could take the truck so we could bring your motorcycle.”

“You have a motorcycle?” Julie asked, surprised.

“Yeah, nothing much.” He dismissed, “When’re we leaving?”

“Noon on Wednesday, you can sleep in.” He nodded, turning to sit correctly in his chair. “You want me to drive you home?”

“Stop babying me Maru, I'll ride the bus.” She looked down at the ground, “And don't apologise.” Maru laughed, patting him on the shoulder then walking towards her table.

“So Abigail, what colors your dress, I could get a matching tie.” Sam excused himself, walking away to the bathroom. Sebastian layed his head down onto the table.

“Black and blue.” She responded, running her hands through her dark brown hair, the purple on the ends had faded to a lilac purple.

“Ooh, that's pretty, what does it look like?” Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut, a feeling of dread and sorrow washing over him. His breathing became shallow, tears filling his eyes. He sniffled as quietly as he could.

“Are you okay Seb?” He barely heard Julie's over the screaming in his mind. A tear streaked down his face, you can't let anyone see you now.

“Yeah.” He lied, speaking quietly. He moved his face into his arms, rubbing his eyes onto them. He dug his nails into his elbows, _stop being such a drama queen_.

“You sure?” She asked again, he could hear Abby and Jack flirting from across the table. Sebastian took a few shaky breaths. He nodded, more tears pooling onto the table. _You're so pathetic! What are you even crying about?_  He scolded himself for being so emotional over little to nothing.

“Seb?” Sam's voice returned, Abigail and Jack fell silent.

“I'm fine.” He pushed Sam off when he tried to move his arms.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian's nails dug into his arms tighter, his skin begging for him to stop. Sebastian took a few deep breaths, once he relaxed, lifting his face and pressing his palms into his eyes. He let out a shaky sigh, “What happened?” Sebastian shook his head, running his hands through his hair. Resting his head in his hands, he swallowed hard.

“I don't know,” he admitted, pulling at his hair, “I don't know why I'm such a wreck, a sensitive mess.” His voice wavering, tears filling his eyes again. He let out an aggravated huff, hitting his clenched fists onto the table, pushing himself off, and walking away.

“Seb, wait!” Sam called after him as he watching him walk away, in one quick motion he pushed off the table, spun the chair around, and ran after him. “Seb please!” Sebastian was walking, his place quickening as they drew closer to the bathroom. “Just talk to me.”

“I don't want to talk to anyone. Don't you get that?” Sebastian stopped in his tracks, spinning around quickly, “Not you, not mom, not Maru, not that psychiatrist.” He panted as if he was out of breath. “All I'm doing is making life worse by being around you guys.”

“Is that what you're upset about? Upsetting everyone?” Sam's face was hurt, but sympathetic.

“I don't know why I'm upset, I just know that I am. I don't have a logical reason. Other than I feel like shit.” Sebastian's face was stained pink, blotchy. “Sometimes I just don't want to be here, and I feel like I shouldn't be here. And that I destroy everything I touch. My mom's practically shipping me away because I'm broken.” His voice cracked at the word _broken_.

“Why do you beat yourself up like that?” Sam walking closer, Sebastian took a step back. “You don't deserve to feel that way, you–”

“Yes I do,” Sebastian cut off, “I’m an awful person, and I deserve this. This is just me paying for everything I've done.”

“Stop!” Sam yelled, then took a deep breath, “Please stop.” Sam walked to him, hugging him. Sebastian melted, crying into his shoulder, Sam rubbing his back.

“I'm sorry.” He apologized, his voice distorted. Sam didn't comment, though he felt like yelling at him for apologize yet again.

“Enough with all that bullshit, you're a great guy, you are, okay?” Sebastian didn't move, “This isn't your life forever, you'll be okay. Okay?”

Sebastian took a deep breath, then said, very quietly, “Okay.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey sorry it's been ages, haven't been in the writing mood, and I feel this chapter is a little boring not only to write but to read. But it's essential. I will try my best to get the next chapter out by the end of the week, (don't hold me to it, I'll try) I plan on it to be a lot more interesting... plan

“Seb.” Maru's voice seemed to echo in his half awake dream state. “Sebastian!” She yelled, shaking him awake.

 

“Fuck off.” He groaned, rolling over, pulling his hood over his face.

 

“We're here.” She said, “Please I need to get to my hotel, I'm exhausted.” He slowly opened his eyes, glancing up. The yellow street lamps beamed in, the warm glow illuminating the vehicle. He sat up, his vision still blurry, blinking until the world began to materialized around him. 

 

“Is this the apartment?” He asked, looking out the window at the red brick building. She nodded, giving a small, sleepy smile. There was a pit in his stomach, he swallowed hard, putting his phone in his pocket and climbing out of the truck. There was a soft hum, he turned around. 

 

“Do you need help carrying everything?” He shrugged, stepping onto the snow coated sidewalk. 

 

“At least with my motorcycle.” She sighed, opening the truck door, “How far is your hotel?” He asked walked around to the back of the truck.

 

“Five blocks that way.” She said, pointing down the road. Cars speeding past, horns honking in the distance. They heaved the dark blue motorcycle out of the truck, once they got it off, it was leaned against Sebastian's leg. “Where are you going to put all of these boxes?” She asked, panting.

 

“I could text him that I'm here, he could help me.” Maru sighed, pushing her hand into her eye, rubbing her eyes, the other hand resting against the tailgate. 

 

“Why can't I just help you? What if he's asleep?” Sebastian sighed, ruffling his hair.

 

“You've done enough, you didn't  _ have  _ to drive me. Go sit in the truck, I've got it.” She walked away, defeated. Sebastian took a deep breath of the winter air. Kicking his foot against the kickstand, then letting it sit.

 

“Sebastian?” A voice called from the sidewalk, his voice groggy. Sebastian glanced up, a man stood at the entrance to the stairs. His dark black hair damp and messy, he had the same dark violet eyes with a scruffy beard. He wore black shorts and a green shirt. 

 

“Dad?” He asked, approaching, the man smiled warmly. Sebastian's pace increased as he grew closer, hugging him once he made it to him. The man chuckled heartily.

 

“Yeah kid,” Sebastian smiled, he was slightly shorter than his father. “You're mom said you'd be here soon.” Sebastian moved away, standing a few steps away.

 

“Yeah, we were uh,  gonna bring e–everything up, but Maru's exhausted, she drove the–the whole time.” He cringed at his stutter, walking up to the back of the truck. They both proceeded taking as many boxes as they could up to the apartment on the third floor, apartment 117. Breathing heavily, Sebastian dropped the last box onto the wooden floors. He glanced up at the apartment for the first time.

 

The floors were a light brown wood through the entire room, the walls a light grey. To the right, there was a denim colored sofa with a light brown wooden coffee table and side table. There was a bookshelf against the wall and a large television hanging on the wall closest to him. To the left was a small kitchen with dark cabinets, white countertops with a breakfast bar, three stools tucked under the counter. He took a deep breath, turning around and walking back outside. Making it back to the truck, His father stood at the window. “Hey, I'm Maru,” she smiled, he returned it, leaning against the car door.

 

“Scott, nice to meet you, where are you staying?” She yawned, blinking a few times.

 

“A hotel down the road. I'll be fine.” She assured, rubbing her face, he smiled again, nodding.

 

“Okay, drive safe.” She smiled, straightening her back. Snow began to fall around them, Scott backed away from the truck.

 

“Watch out for my motorcycle!” Sebastian called, stepping towards the truck, “I’ll call you later.” She nodded, waving as she pulled into the street. Scott turned to face him, beginning to walk. Sebastian followed after him. “Do I have to go to school tomorrow?” He almost complained, dragging his feet up the stairs.

 

“Next Monday, but you have to go at ten tomorrow for a tour of the campus.” 

 

“Campus?!” Sebastian exclaimed, Scott nodded, winding around the staircase.

 

“I took off work for tomorrow, I'll drive you there.” Sebastian smiled, his eyes heavy. 

 

“I'll bring you home and you can drive to the doctors, it's just down the road.” Sebastian nodded, they made it to apartment walking in together. “You're room is down the hall to the left, the bathroom’s right next to it, I'm to the right if you need anything. We'll unpack all of this,” he gestured at the pile of boxes, “Tomorrow.”

 

“Okay.” Sebastian spoke quietly, walking past the boxes, “Goodnight.” He said uneasily, going into his room. He let out a sigh of relief and he pressed his body against the door closing it. He felt as if he'd lost the ability to socialize. How awkward he'd been on front of his father, the stutter he had while talking made his head throb. Closing his eyes, there was an heat radiating from his face, he took a deep breath. Opening his eyes, he looked around. The same floors, walls white, a small twin bed sat into the farthest corner, a bedside table flush against the frame. A television sat on top of a dark brown dresser. 

 

Sebastian reluctantly walked towards the bed, on the side table there was a lamp, it's soft light left the room feeling warm and safe. He sat down, letting the reality of the situation set in. He turned his torso slightly, finding the lock to the window, unlatching it. It creaked as he lifted the glass, cold air flowing, snow flying past, swirling through the sky. He gazed out into the empty sky, smoke climbing up the horizon from a mill in the distance. He ran his hand along the dark blue comforter, blinking.

 

_ I'm actually here. _ He looked back up at the room, he was staring at a full length mirror hanging on the wall adjacent so his bed. He analyzed himself, his clothes hung loosely on his thin frame, his black hair messy. Dark purple circles under his eyes, his cheek bones seemed to protrude more than usual. He squeezed his eyes shut, clamping his hands over his ears, his jagged nails digging into the cartilage at the base of his ear. 

 

He let out a frustrated, muted yell, his nose twitching slightly. Taking deep breaths, attempting to calming himself, massaging his temples with his elbows resting on his knees. “Just. Go. To. Sleep.” Her whispered fiercely to himself, slamming his hands into his knees, meeting with his own gaze again. Sliding out of his jacket, he threw it across the room at the mirror, the zipper clinging against the reflective surface. He took another deep breath, taking off his shoes and laying down onto the bed. 

 

Slipping under the covers he tried his best to focus on anything but his thoughts. Let the cold air from the window flow in, chilling his body, goosebumps covering his arms and legs. He closed his eyes, attempting to drift off into sleep. 

 

 

 

The knock on the door jolted Sebastian awake, sitting up. The room was ice cold, “Yeah?” He yelled, rubbing his eye with one of his hands, the other holding himself up.

 

“We need to leave soon, and I was thinking we could get some of this unpacked.” His father called from the other side of the door.

 

“Okay.” He spoke, his voice raspy, pushing himself off the bed. Picking his jacket off the ground, putting it on before stepping out into the living room.  _ Don't stutter, for the love of God. Speak like a normal human. _ “G– Good morning.” He said, wincing after the words escaped his lips,  _ goddammit. _

 

_ “ _ Morning Seb.” He said, walking out of the kitchen, holding a mug to his lips. “Want some coffee?” He asked, lifting the mug, gesturing. Sebastian shrugged, still unable to make eye contact.

 

“I've never really drank coffee.” He admitted, turning to face the pile of boxes, sitting down.

 

“Okay, I can't live without it.” He laughed, moving towards the boxes, sitting on the other side. He set the mug on the coffee table, picking a box off the top of the pile. There was a strange tension in the room,  _ why'd they break up? _ Sebastian mimicked Scott's motions, taking the closest box.  _ Why didn't he contact me? _ Opening the box, laying his clothes on the floor.  _ Did he even fight for me?  _ He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath.  _ Talk, say something, anything.  _ Scott took a breath, opening his mouth to talk.

 

“Why did you let me leave.” Sebastian cut him off before he could say a word, his gaze focused on the clothes, folding.

 

“What?” Scott asked, almost sympathetic.

 

“Why did you let me leave,” he said slower, “Why didn't you move with us.” His breathing shaking, grasp on the hoodie he was holding strengthen, “Why'd you let her take me there Dad?” he looked up, blinking tears away. Scott stayed silent, shifting how he sat.

 

“Your mother and I were never married,” he started, returning to unpacking, “And one day, when you were asleep, she told me there was someone else.” Sebastian's heart began to race, annoyed, wiping his face. Scott cleared his throat, “I loved your mother, but not all relationships can last a lifetime.”

 

“Was it–”

 

“It wasn't your stepdad, it was someone else.” He completed Sebastian train of thought, “She moved out, she took you with her, fighting for you would've been a lost cause. It's not right to separate a mother from her son, let alone her only child.”

 

“It's not right to cheat on someone then take away their son.” Sebastian butted in, his tone cold and angry. Scott didn't acknowledge the comment, simply scratching his face.

 

“And I didn't have enough money to move, and your mother didn't want me to. I think she pitied me.” He sighed taking another box. “But, don't use this against her, your mother's a lovely loving woman, she deserves to be happy.” Sebastian gave a small huff, putting his weight into the empty box, causing it to collapse. 

 

“When do we have to leave.” Sebastian ignored his request, rage building in her chest.

 

“Ten minutes.” He responded, reaching over and retrieving his coffee, sipping it.

 

“Can I just get a shower?” Sebastian complained, then squeezed his eyes shut, “I'm sorry,” he apologized, pressing his hands to his forehead.

 

“For what?” Scott furrowed his brow, looking up at Sebastian.

 

“I'm being an asshole,” he teared up again, “I’m such a rude, insensitive jerk. I'm not trying to be, I'm sorry.” he pulled his knees to his chest resting his arms on top, his face buried into them. Her could hear Scott stepping around to his side. Sebastian instinctively fell into him, sniffling quietly, scrubbing his face. 

 

“No you're not,” he tried to comfort,  _ How would you even know? _ “Go get a shower, I'll finish unpacking then we'll leave.”  Sebastian was almost stone faced, staring off into the distance. He nodded robotically, moving away from him. 

 

“Okay.” Sebastian spoke in a monotonous tone, slowly walking towards the bathroom.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O my God I'm sorrrrrryy hahahaha I've been attempting to write this chapter for a century idk why I couldn't... I also don't think it's that great, which is why I wanted to skip it but I couldn't find a way to do a proper time skip... Soooo here it is. Next chapter will be better promise you hahahaha.

Sebastian emerged from the bathroom, wearing black jeans, ripped slightly at the knees, with a textured maroon shirt. rubbing his arms he walked around the apartment, “Where's my jacket?” Sebastian asked, looking around. Scott shrugged, leaning on the counter in the kitchen.

 

“Not sure,” he turned his head to the side slightly, “Did I put it in the wash?” Sebastian's heart dropped, he shook his head.

 

“No, no, no, Dad I need it.” He said, panic evident in his voice.

 

“It'll be done by tomorrow.”

 

“I need it _now_ , I can't go there without it.” Sebastian had walked up to the  counter, his hands plastered to it. Scott looked at him confused, analyzing his face.

 

“What, why?” Sebastian widened his eyes at him, heat rising in his face.

 

“ _They’ll see_ Dad, They _can't_ see _this,_ I need my jacket,” He sighed, running both of his hands to his hair. Scott's gaze fell to Sebastian's arms, his expression softened.

 

“Oh,” Scott whispered, “I'm sorry, I– I didn't know. Don't you have another jacket or something.”

 

“They're packed away, I don't remember which box they’re in.”

 

“Just borrow one of mine,” Sebastian relaxed, “That'll work right?” Scott walked around the counter into his room, returning with a plain dark grey jacket, the edges fraying slightly. Sebastian hesitantly took it, slipping it onto his arm.

 

“Thanks Dad.” He whispered, “I'm not trying to be annoying, I just,” he swung the jacket around, putting it on, “I don't want anyone to know that I'm a wreck.”

 

“You're not a wreck, Seb.” Sebastian snorted, turning around.

 

“Yeah right,” he began to walk towards the door, “Then why am I here?” He mocked, putting his shoes on, “Let's go, get this over with.” Scott went to speak, pressing his lips together, resisting the urge to talk to him, grabbing the keys and following him.

 

Sebastian ran his hand through his hair, slamming his back into the seats. “Buckle.” His father said, revving the engine. Sebastian obeyed, swinging his arm over his shoulder.

 

“Who's giving me this tour, a teacher?” Scott shrugged, turning into the busy street, then making a u-turn. Sebastian sighed, sinking down into his seat, he couldn't ignore a intense feeling of anxiety that rocked his body. His legs bounced irritably, as he bit at the corners of his fingernails.

 

“It'll be fine. This schools great, one of the best in the state.” Scott assured as he slowed the car, pulling into the parking lot. “You're gonna go,” he pointing to a large brick building, “There, building A, the office is to the right, it's obvious.” Sebastian swallowed hard, biting his top lip and nodding. There was a loud ringing followed by hundreds of kids filing out if the building.

 

“Okay, I should go.” Sebastian tried to keep his voice steady, swinging open the door.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian looked back around, his hand on the door. “It'll be okay, okay?” Sebastian nodded, Scott giving him a wide smile, “Text me when you get done.”

 

“Okay, bye.” He said slamming the door, then willing himself to start walking. He clamped his hands onto his arms, walking through the sea of people, multiple staring as he walked pass. He could hear students whispering and gesturing towards him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and making it to the building. Opening the door, a wave a heat flowed out and he found himself in an almost empty hallway, the second bell sounded.

 

“Sebastian?” He blinked, scanning for the origin of the unfamiliar voice, his eyes landed on a short middle aged women, “Hello.” She beamed, giving a warm smile. She waved him into the office, his pulse skyrocketing. Staying quiet, Sebastian walked into the room, the fluorescent lights made his eyes burn. “So I was thinking some of our students here could show you around, Sophomore right?”

 

Sebastian coughed, “Y– yeah, I'm a Sophomore. But I was in a Junior class for math.” He scratched his neck as they walked to another room, she sat at her desk, gesturing towards a chair. Sebastian sat down, placing his hands on his knees.

 

“Yes, we haven't figured out your schedule yet,” she slid a paper towards him, “This was the rough draft, but of course there are electives and your math classes,” he scooted closer, resting his arms on the desk. Glancing down at the paper, he quickly looked through the classes. There was another paper under his arm, he lifted his elbow slightly. “Those are the possible class changes.”

 

“Umm, could I do coding instead of,” he referred back to the original paper.

 

“Public speaking? Yeah of course,” she turned, quickly typing on her computer, “So for your Math,” she started, turning again to face him, “Do you want to do Pre-Calculus? Or we have an advanced algebra class, you could try a weighted class, but you wouldn't get a high school credit.”

 

“I was in Pre-Calculus at my old school, so, I'll do that.” He rubbed his hands together, “I'll keep web design, physics, and programming for second semester.”

 

“Okay, I should call those students down here.” He tensed at the thought, but only gave a small nod. “I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself,” she apologized, “Mrs. Stenson.”

 

“It's okay,” he dismissed, not making eye contact. Mrs. Stenson picked up her phone, talking, mentioning a few names, then hanging up.

 

“They'll be here in a few minutes, you can wait out in the main office.”

 

“Okay,” he stood up awkwardly, taking the paper, walking out into the main office. Sitting in a dark blue seat, he stuffed the paper into his jean pocket.

 

“Are you the new student?” a young woman asked, leaned against the counter

 

“Yeah, Sebastian.” He answered, the badge clipped to her shirt revealed her name. _Stephanie Johnson, Secretary_. She smiled, clicking her pen, then moving her gaze to a group of students than had made their way to the office. There was a roar of laughter as the two of them filed in.

 

“Stop,” the tall one snorted, covering his mouth. He had bright blue eyes, red curly hair, her red and black Letterman jacket worn around the edges. The girl had a wide smile on her face, her dark blue wavy hair bouncing as she walked. She wore black leggings and a large red hoodie.

 

“Oh, here the newbie.” The girl acknowledged, looking down at Sebastian, he nodded, biting his lip. “Sally.” She introduced, placing her hand on his shoulder. He flinched at the physical contact, blinking.

 

“Hayden.” The other answered, running his hand through his hair.

 

“Sebastian.” Sebastian said quietly, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

 

“Well, welcome,” Sally leaned into him, Sebastian tensed as her weight grew heavier. “This place is a hell hole.” She joked, the secretary making eyes at her.

 

“Sally, language.” She spoke fiercely, Sally rolled her eyes, waving Sebastian out into the hallway.

 

“So,” Sally ran ahead, spinning around, “Building A,” she extended her arms, “Cafeteria,” she hit her hand on the dark blue door to get left. “Gym is on the other side of the office.” She whipped back around, the air whistling through her ears. Sebastian nodded, shoving his hands into his father's jacket.

 

“Do you have your schedule?” Hayden asked, walking next to Sebastian, “Just to see your classes.”

 

“Uh, yeah.” He pulled out the paper, his hands subtly shaking. Handing handed the paper, catching a glance from someone in a classroom. He blushed, looking away, flustered.

 

“Coding, that's in the other building,” Hayden whispered to himself, the paper crinkling as he tapped his fingers against the flimsy marerial. “Physics, that's over there.” He gestured, extending his arm holding the paper towards a door.

 

“The teachers a dick though,” Sally said, crossing her arms as she walked down the hallway. “Strict, brutal with grades too.” Sebastian shrugged, looking at the walls, plaques hanging in the wall. “Band room.” She pointed down a hallway. “Biology.”

 

“Do I need to know these classes?” Sebastian asked almost sarcastically. Sally shrugged, her hand pressed to the lockers as she walked.

 

“You never know, maybe meet a friend somewhere, walk a girlfriend to class. You'll need to know then.” Sebastian shook his head, his gaze finding the trophy case.

 

“I don't think that'll be an issue.” Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as they walked.

 

“You don't think you'll make _a_ friend?” Hayden seemed to judge him, looking him up and down.

 

“I'm not here to make friends.” he said cooly as they rounded the corner.

 

“It can't hurt to have friends.” Sebastian clenched his fist, “Here’s your English.” He tapped on the door with the tip of his finger. He stood there for a few seconds then continued walking, Sebastian shifting his feet.

 

The tour continued, walking up to each room, Sally pointing out his classes most of the time. They cut across the courtyard to Building C, the loud bell ringing out as they made it there. Sebastian tensed as the army of students pushed passed him to get outside. A girl, slightly shorter than him, walked up to Sally, pressing a folded piece of paper into her chest. “Text me after school, I need to talk to you.” She informed, then walked passed her, opening the door.

 

“What's that about.” Hayden asked, the hallways we're almost empty, they walked down towards his civics class. Sally shrugged, the paper falling to the ground. She leaned down, picking it up.

 

“No clue, she's having a bad day though.” Sally, bit on her cheek as she walked up to another classroom, “Civics.” He nodded, looking away at the walls.

 

“When is this over?” He asked, boredom obvious in his voice. They all had slowed, Sebastian's back was hunched, the tiredness in his eyes was evident from a mile away.

 

“Yeah, we should be done by lunch.” Hayden answered, proceeding to walk. Sebastian sighed, looking at the ground. He caught a glimpse of Hayden's eyes rolling, Sebastian's face twitched angrily. His phone began to ring, he answered it quickly.

 

“Hi Dad.” He spoke quietly, he pressed his lips together, Sally looking back at him.

 

“Hey Seb, when're you supposed to get done?” The tapping of their feet echoed throughout the halls.

 

“Not sure, I'll text you.” he swallowed hard, seeing a few people watching him.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian could hear something playing on the TV, “See you then. Bye.”

 

“Bye.” He hung up, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

 

“Coding.” Hayden pointed past him, his arms inches from Sebastian's face. Paper crinkling sounded, Sally unfolding the paper. “What's it say?” Hayden's arm dropped, walking up behind Sally. Sally curled in, shielding the note.

 

“Stop,” She sounded annoyed, “She didn't give _you_ a note.” Sebastian rolled his eyes, looking at the lockers.

 

“Okay, damn.” He backed away, then stepped in front of her leading Sebastian. Sally followed, her nose buried in the paper. She was walking a few inches to the left of Sebastian. Her eyes darting back and forth, taking long slow strides. “Pre-Calculus is on the other side of the building, upstairs.” Hayden sighed, then changed directions, walking upstairs

  
Sebastian nudged Sally slightly, her looking up, her eyes soft, blinking, then skipping past him. 

 

"Okay, here it is," the bell sounded again, Hayden sighing thankfully. "Lunch, we got out of fourth period." 

Sally laughed lightly, "Now we have to walk a mile to get there."

 

"Wait, are we done?" Sebastian asked, Hayden nodded, "Okay..."

"Just follow us down, leave through the courtyard." Sebastian obeyed, watching as they ran down the hallways.

 

 

"Hey, how was the tour?" Sebastian shook his head, buckling himself in. "What happened?"

 

"They hated me." He breathed, sinking into his seat. 

 

"How so?" Scott asked, his brow furrowed, turning the steering wheel.

 

"I don't know, the girl seemed fine with me, but the guy was annoyed." Scott waved his hand dismissively, shaking his head.

 

"One person, that doesn't matter. You'll probably barely see them in such a big school." Sebastian sighed, looking out the window.

"I guess." 


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian sat down in a stool in the kitchen, his chest pressed firmly against the counter. He tapped his fingers against his arm anxiously, looking into the distance. A paper bag was crushed into a small ball by Scotts hands before he threw it across the room into the trash can. The can clattering as the paper ball hit the side of it, then fell with a soft crunch. “What're you thinking about?” Scott asked, his gaze fixating on Sebastian, maintaining eye contact. Sebastian shrugged, then broke away, looking at his arms.

“I don't want to go.” he breathed, his fingers picking lint off the sleeve of his jacket. “I really don't want to go.” Biting the skin off of his bottom lip, he took a long breath, “I just want to go home.” He lowered his head, resting his chin on his hands, looking up at his father.

Scott nodded, bringing his fast-food cup to his lips, drinking it. “You get to go home for Christmas.” He pointed out, holding a burger uncased in a reflective foil. Scott pressed his back into the counter behind him, leaning his elbow on top of it. “That's in like two week.” The ice collided with the sides of the cup as he placed in on the counter.

“I'm going home for Christmas?” Sebastian asked, his brow furrowed. Scott shrugged, unwrapping his burger.

“Yeah, if you want, you could talk to your psychiatrist about being gone.” Sebastian gave a small smile, then lifting his head, pushing himself away from the counter.

“I gotta get going.” Scott nodded as Sebastian left for his room, returning with his keys.

“It's freezing outside, take my coat.” Sebastian sighed before taking the light grey coat off the counter and walking outside. 

 

Sebastian pressed his body into the door, entering the small waiting room. He swallowed hard, there was a desk on the far end of the room. The carpet was dark blue, the walls light brown, multiple black chairs and sofas. Most of the seats were occupied by people of all ages. He shifted awkwardly, putting his weight into his right leg.Then took a step forward taking a seat new to a girl about his age.

She had long dark black hair pulled into a high ponytail, bright green eyes, a few freckles speckled her nose. Large round silver glasses frames balanced on her nose, typing in her phone. She wore light blue jeans, a black shirt tucked in, and an army green cloth jacket. He slid out of his coat, running his hand through his messy black hair. He could see the girl look at him, analyzing him. He looked over, meeting her gaze, one of her brows dipped down slightly. She greeted him with a small smile then returned to her phone.

He assumed a similar position, taking out his phone, texting Sam. He typed slowly, not really sure what to say. “Are you the new kid?” She asked, her voice soft, gaze not leaving her phone. He hesitated slightly, looking to up at her from the side of his eye. She did the same, her green eyes sparkling. 

“Y– yeah.” He got out, a few people had glanced up, looking at them.

“Grade?” Her tone of voice was calm, mature, soothing for him to hear, putting him in a good state of mine, his body relaxing.

“Sophomore.” He spoke quietly, leaning his back into the chair comfortably. She nodded, her lips pressed together, then lowered her phone looking up at him.

“What're you doing here?” He blinked confused at the sudden interrogation.

“Here as in Zuzu city?” He asked, feeling dreadful, she nodded, a subdued smile on her face.

“Uhmm, I moved in with my Dad so I could go here.” He nodded his head, gesturing to the room they were in. She looked at him for a minute then shook her head.

“I'm sorry,” she apologized, “I'm Lynn.” She introduced, holding out her hand.

“Sebastian, or Seb.” He shook her hand, his palm undeniably sweaty. She flashed another small smile, her eyes creasing at the corners. She then returned to her phone. He shoved his phone into his pocket, looking around the room. He couldn't help but take notice to Lynn's every move, scratching the tip of her nose with her finger nail. 

“Sebastian?” An older woman called from across the room. His head perked up, his pulse beginning to race. He swallowed, his throat bone dry. He hesitantly stood up, Lynn glanced up, noticing his anxious posture.

“Hey,” she whispered, “It'll be okay.” She assured, smiling. Sebastian's ears burned, he forced himself to walk towards the room. The woman smiled, Sebastian stepping into the hallway. The lights were bright, reminding him of a hospital. Reaching the end of the hallway, she nodded towards the door. Sebastian hesitated, almost tripping over himself before walking into the room. 

It seemed like another world, he stood at the entrance, soaking it in. The same dark blue carpet, the walls dark grey, many bookshelves covering them. It was dimly lit by a small golden lamp with a green lamp shade, along with the sunlight that poured in. A young woman sat in a black chair across from a sofa, her eyes darting across the paper clipped to her clipboard. 

She had warm brown hair styled into a high bun, her skin light. Her dark brown slacks almost matched the walls, a white button up hid behind a light grey textured blazer. She sat with her legs crossed, her small wire glasses balancing on her nose.

She looked up, “Oh, hello.” He nodded her head gesturing towards the sofa across from her. Sebastian's weight shifted, his legs stuck in place. “Sebastian right?” She asked, looking down at her clipboard again. He nodded slowly, the urge to grind his teeth wouldn't go away. “Miss Jacobs, but you can call me Kate.” He silently nodded again, the feeling of dread looming over his head.

Sebastian careful walked over sitting down on the sofa, she smiled. There was a dark brown coffee table between them, it was decorated with bottled water, a glass chess table, and a box of tissues. He sat in a tensed position, his knees were glued together, his hands clasping his arms, the jacket wrinkling in his grasp.

“So, would you care to play chess?” Sebastian furrowed his brow, looking up at her. 

“Uhh… Sure.” He said quietly, scooting towards the edge of the seat. 

“You go first.” He nodded, moving a piece. 

“Is Harvey the one that wanted you to come here or your parents?” She asked, her chin resting on her balled fist, looking down at the board.

“My Mom.” He spoke, his voice hoarse, clearing his throat after speaking. “She's the one who told Harvey.” 

“Did she drive you here, you take the bus?” She asked, reaching towards the table, taking her turn.

“My stepsister drove me, she wanted to.” Talking about them made his knees weak.

“So are you two close?” Sebastian shrugged, scanning the board.

“When it's something that matters,” he took a deep breath, remembering Maru running up to hug him as soon as he made it off the bus. “She's such a nice person, but–” he cut himself off, pressing his lips together.

“But?” Sebastian shook his head, moving another piece.

“My stepdad.” He vaguely remarked, Kate analyzing his face. “She has always been the most successful, the smartest, the favorite.” 

“How does he treat you?” She asked curiously, her focus removed from the game.

“Like a fuck up,” Sebastian felt worse that he sounded, “He has a point though…” He trailed off, twiddling his thumbs nervously. 

“How so?” Sebastian still hadn't looked up at her since he'd walked in.

“First of all,” he lifted his hands up, gesturing to the room around them, Kate gave him a sympathetic look. “She's nice… I'm not. She's got a job, I stay at home. She's got a girlfriend, I'm alone.” He rambled on and on, “But I don't regret the way I am, but of course he hates it.” 

“Maybe he's just worried.” Sebastian snorted, leaning back into the sofa.

“Yeah right, like he cares.” He joked, Kate readjusted herself, moving a piece on the board.

She sighed, “I honestly don't know how to move the conversation to this, so I'm just going to start.” Sebastian tensed again, his hands balling into a fist. “When did your eating disorder begin to develop?” He shrugged, sitting on the edge of the sofa again, hunched over, rubbing his knuckles.

“March, I think.” He said, unsure, “it's all a blur.”

“So, about nine months ago?” 

“Give or take a month.” He sounded embarrassed, his face a light shade of pink. 

“Is it an appearance issue?” Sebastian shook his head.

“No?” He seemingly asked, “I was depressed, and angry with myself… Well I still am.” He admitted, biting his lip.

“For?” Sebastian shrugged again.

“I don't even know anymore.” 

“Do you eat anything usually?” Sebastian pressed his lips together, shaking his head. “Have you tried?” He shook his head again, looking down at the ground.

“I'm scared to.” She itlted her head to the side, uncrossing her legs.

“Scared?” She asked, raising an eyebrow, “What're you scared about?”

“I– I dunno.” He stuttered, “I just am.” The idea of it formed a pit in his stomach.

“Could you try this week? Just a little.” Her voice was sweet and calm.

“Okay.” He whispered, unsure if he was telling the truth.

“I just need to know how your body reacts.” She informed, “And how you react.” He gave a small nod, already feeling nauseous.

“Let's move on. Oh, and it's your turn.” She reminded him, looking down at the chess table. He straightened his back, breathing in.

“Okay.” He moved a piece, then leaning back into the sofa.

“Harvey mentioned on the phone,” She began, her hand hovering over her rook, “You suffer from depression, correct?” She looked at him, waiting for an answer.

“I don't really know, but…” He trailed off, “He's talked about it in the past.” Sebastian bit the edges of his fingernails.

“You don't take medication though, right?” He shook his head, she nodded, moving her rook.

“I think trying medication would help, it wouldn't hurt to try at least.” 

“I guess…” He said quietly, not really caring.

“Maybe just a SNRI,” she rambled to herself, “Then if they don't work we'll move to something else.” Sebastian sat in silence, “Maybe fluoxetine.” Her voice had softened to a whisper. She blinked, then sat back up. “How was your tour today?” She asked, changing the subject, scribbling down something on her clipboard.

“How'd you–” he trailed off, suspicious. 

“Your Father.” 

“Oh, it was fine, I guess.” He lied, making his move. “I don't think they liked me.”

“Why not?” Sebastian shrugged, watching as she tapped her foot on the ground.

“I was being stupid, I'm not surprised that Hayden hated me.”

“Hayden? Really. I thought he was really nice.” Kate interrupted, Sebastian gave her another strange expression. “Lynn has told me about him… You probably don't know her, nevermind.”

“I met her.” he mumbled, “She seemed nice.” Kate smiled at him, he blushed lightly, avoiding her gaze.

“Yeah, she is.” She cleared her throat, breaking away, looking down at her watch. “We have a few minutes left, but you can leave now if you want.” 

He didn't need to be told twice, he stood up. “Wait.” she grabbed his arm, scribbling on a post it note. “Give this to your Dad.” She ripped the paper sticking it on his shoulder. 

“What's this?” He asked, carefully taking the paper off, reading it.

“The pharmacy and the medication name, my secretary will call your father when it's ready.” Sebastian nodded, walking out of the room. He was relieved yet anxious at the same time, walking into the waiting room. His father's coat was sitting on the car he had sat in. Lynn sat in the same spot, her face resting against her fist, sleeping. He quietly took the coat, careful not to wake her, leaving the building.


End file.
